ashram

i spent last weekend at a yoga retreat. not one of your fancy massage-and-facial-after-breakfast type spa retreats. the real thing. Ashram.

this word, Ashram, has struck a chord deep within me ever since i attended a techno party of the same name at the then Les Girls in the late 90’s. boy oh boy, that party was a thumper. whilst back then i didnt really know what the word meant and only kinda gathered by the flyer and the party decor that it related to some kind of mystical place of worship, the word felt very good to say from a phonetic perspective (i was studying linguistics at the time). it seeemed to want to be whispered, those hushed sounds suggestive of precious secrets and sanctuary. nirvana. bliss.

i don’t necessarily think  i was a total stress ball before i decided to spend time at the Ashram . in fact, if anything, i have been cruising for some time in an effortless glide at work and at play. sure, some shit gets under my skin from time to time (try living with 3 males) but on the whole 08/09 has been a breeze. i have been steadily ramping up my own yoga practice for last 2 years and noticing some subtle but effective changes to the way  i  handle negativity. then a friend suggested i read Eat Pray Love. Bam. Talk about serendipity.

so, with minimal planning i whisked myself off on a little adventure. i delibratley didnt orchestrate every fine detail. i wanted to improvise as much as possible to remind myself that being out of control is actually a positive thing. a train trip, a bus ride into the wilderness, not really knowing what i was getting myself into or what to expect,  whether or not i should have brought more socks (mental note, yes) and a few hours later i found myself walking into the most beautiful place i have ever been. in every sense.

the experience was truly remarkable. i  enrolled in a program that focussed on yoga in the great outdoors which meant that along with daily practices of asana (yoga poses), prana (breathing), kirtan (chanting), mouna (silence), hatha/karma (cleansing) and nidra (meditating) i was able to dust up on my archery, spend time rambling in the bush, learn a bit of tai chi and just chill out for a few days. total mind, body and spirit rejuvenation. like a personality reset button. like oh-my-god-this-is-it-i-want-to-do-this-forever. powerful stuff this yoga.

i am still floating. i’ve been back for 4 days now and whilst i obviously had to slip back into the regular routines of my secular life, i feel very different. things around me have changed too. i’m beginning to get it.  i hear the whisper.

the great camping battle of barrington tops

Prologue

Once upon a time there was a big old Kookaburra who lived in the bush. His name was Kanye and in the hot summer months he made his home in the biggest tallest tree in the national park at the top of a mountain. Kanye picked this tree as his summer abode because of the sweeping views of the valley below. It also boasted cool breezes and a strong clean river nearby where Kanye could feast on fresh water eel if he was lucky. Sometimes Kanye would help himself to an abundance of leeches who lived in the marshy swamp not far from his tree.

But what Kanye loved most about his lofty penthouse was ribs. Pork ribs. In particular, pork spare ribs  from Aldi. You see, Kanye’s apartment was smack bang in down town Camping Central. And every couple of days during the summer months a different group of humans would come huffn n puffn up the mountain in their dusty cars and make camp at the bottom of Kanye’s condo. These humans were all pretty much alike. 2 Legs. 2 arms. No feathers. And they all ate these special marinated ribs from Aldi. Kanye knew this because he would listen to the humans crap on about how these ribs were the best ribs in the entire universe. And Kanye agreed. He LOVED  ribs. Smokey Barbecue, Honey Soy, Texas Ranch. Kanye liked the Texas Ranch ones best, they made his beak spasm with uncontrollable delight whenever he smelled them on the fire.

In his younger and more agile days Kanye would sometimes swoop down and  steal a rib straight off the hot plate.  He got his belly feathers burnt a fair bit, and once a human even stabbed him with a fork on the way past. Luckily it was only a superficial wound and Kanye got away with a nice fat juicy rib for his efforts. Mostly nowdays Kanye would just keep an eye on where the humans would toss their ribby scraps. He’d drop down under the cloak of darkness and  forage about after they had gone to do whatever it was they did in their sweaty stinky plastic dwellings. These pickings were no where near as plump and delectable as the ribs straight off the flame, but Kanye had grown fat and lazy in his golden years. He had also pretty much seared off all the feathers on his underside so he generally took the easy option more often then not now days.

One day Kanye was doing some circle work around the clearing when he spied a nice tender morsel of rib that had been overlooked by the previous group of humans. It was still wrapped in plastic,  twinkling in the morning sun light, attracting butterflies, march flies and pesky gnats.  Kanye recognised the morse code, extended his left wing and dropped into a nose dive landing almost on top of the shiny packet.

“SSSSSSSSS”  an annoyed hiss came from the tall grass nearby. It was Kanye’s mate, El Guerdo the Goanna. He was a big mutha licker of a lizard with super cut shoulders and arms. “Back off, Mon. Thassss ma piece o bakey tharrrrr…”

“Woah now Big Chief. Hold your horses. Its me, bro’, the K-Man!” Kanye had’nt seen El Guerdo for a few months.Last time they hooked up they got well messy down at the water tank in town and Guerdo got his tail run over by a dirt bike whilst playing chicken with it on the track.

“He he he ha ha ha ho ho ho BEEG BEAK! Wazcrackalackn?”

“Jus laxn d’hood, y’know. Howz yo’ tail?”

El Guerdo shrugged his great shoulders and sighed ” Eeeees ok I’spose. I lossss’m feeln my toess but now the peeeesky anzzz canno huurrrt me when I rrrrraida tharrr nest. He he he.

“Nice one brother! Speaking of chown down, why don’t we share this ‘ere tasty wib together?”

” Cool mon. Eeet jus so ‘appens that I peeecked up some primo greeno from our friend Estella the Bower Bird theees very morning. Fancy a blaze w’me before we eeeeat?

“A’ight! L’ess roll!”

The 2 friends sat down and divvied up the rib between them. El Guerdo pieced together a medium sized doobie  and sparked up.

“Tha’ some decent reeeeb.” Guerdo passed the reefer across to Kanye who took it in his beak. ” Humans here yeesterday?”

“Cough. Yep, they left very late last nite. Bit weird them leaving at that time. Made a heck of a racket before they left too. The whole mountain was up”

“Yiiiiiiis, I think I heard them. Wassss’  that big bang round 3am? It wassss BOOOOOMN!”

“Well, I saw the whole thang. It all started a couple of days ago…”

Chapter One: The Kids

Chapter Two: Carnage

Chapter Three:  Revenge